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My best yet?

 
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Emperor Xan



Joined: 18 Mar 2003
Posts: 4075
Location: A boat.

PostPosted: Sun Oct 16, 2011 9:55 pm    Post subject: My best yet? Reply with quote

My "Anatomy of Game Design" series entry on Experience Points: http://skirmisher.com/node/286

Feedback is greatly appreciated.
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Greatest quote eva:
Vertigo21 wrote:
Make...something?

Shit man, I can barely make a peanut butter and jelly sandwhich. I can't make a watch.
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Rexfelum



Joined: 26 Sep 2003
Posts: 3897

PostPosted: Mon Oct 31, 2011 2:01 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Now, half a month later, I have read what you wrote. It took me this long because I am dreadfully busy and need to stop procrastinating.

And guess what? I'm still busy! So instead of a massive review at this time, I will note that I approve of your main thrust about the development of characters up to the "sweet spot" of skill. I think you bring together a number of elements (exp, origin stories, movies/gaming) that are good to contemplate as such: I had thought about all of these elements before, especially origin stories, but hadn't made your connections.

However, as with other things from you before, I keep having trouble seeing where a lot of your individual points come in. You keep presenting your evidence before telling the audience "and this will be evidence for point X." Now, this literary strategy works just fine when you're building up to an "Any of this beginning to sound familiar?" sort of statement where you want the audience members to make the conclusion themselves, but this strategy is hard to read when you use it all over the place.

E.g., "Here, then, is where the problem begins" . . . but what's the problem? I'm guessing that I understand it after reading the next few lines, but that's a guess when you could have just told me. E.g. again, "Batman, Superman, and Oliver Twist have several things in common, then." "Then"? I'm supposed to be able to draw the conclusion now? I see the conclusion just fine in the next few lines, but at the start I don't know why I'm suddenly reading about Oliver Twist. E.g. of a different sort, you could take words like "this" and "it" and replace them with more specific nouns more often to be quite sure I'm following you.

. . . And there you have a larger review when I just said I wasn't going to do one. Oh, well. Like I noted, I've seen this sort of thing before and I wanted to try to explain the concern as clearly as I could.

Now I must rush. I definitely enjoyed the read and appreciate you sharing it with us.

--Rexfelum
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Emperor Xan



Joined: 18 Mar 2003
Posts: 4075
Location: A boat.

PostPosted: Mon Nov 14, 2011 11:50 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Yeah, I have a tendency to write like I speak. The piece is part of an ongoing series, now up to 12 completed and posted pieces. since this might be turned into something more substantive, I'm trying not to retread any material I've already covered. I do appreciate the feedback, I just hope it makes sense when they're read in order.
_________________
Greatest quote eva:
Vertigo21 wrote:
Make...something?

Shit man, I can barely make a peanut butter and jelly sandwhich. I can't make a watch.
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