Broken Saints

[LadyGodai]

I didn't know where to put this so I took a chance. Then again, I don't take many chances which is why I never get to where I'm suppose to be: back in the real world.

Then again, what is the real world to me? Is it a place where physical beauty rules all and physical ugliness is just a disease?

Does God even exist to me? I find myself very much clinging to the fact that maybe God doesn't exist. At least, not in my life. If He/She did, why am I in this troubling situation where I can't seem to do anything with my life, much less afford anything anymore?

I'm at the edge of losing all hope in myself and I really wish I didn't feel like this.

Perhaps it's because of what I went through as a child that still refuses to leave my mind at once. I don't know what God is trying to tell me right now. Maybe I'm doomed to suffer the past forever? What did I do wrong?!

I was going to post this on Facebook, but I couldn't risk it especially with my relatives on there. I feel like I don't have any friends left in real life. It kills me how so very lonely I really am.

I have thought about killing myself because of the state I'm in. But I won't do it, it would break everyone's hearts here in the forum.

I apologize for this. But I needed to speak from the heart before I really do something such as take my own life. Can't even talk to my own mom because it seems like I'm repeating the same thing over and over again.

Thank you for reading this. And if you want, you can lock this topic if it causes any problems.

[Rexfelum]

You have listed a series of concerns. A lot of people, when they fill the internet with their rants, try to sound like they have a grand overarching point to make about humanity when instead they've just been annoyed by one specific thing. It has been said that all advice is autobiographical; so, too, is whining.

However, what you just wrote has point after point. It sounds like it would be possible to talk quite a long while on any and all of it. I've wound up thinking a lot about all those different concerns.

Is God really the primary concern? It appears that you, unlike the internet rant-makers, have not found a single concept on which to place all the blame. This may, perhaps, be a good thing.

Where do all these other points belong? Are you surrounded by people who seem to be shallow and judgmental based on "beauty"? Are you facing financial trouble, possibly based directly on one of the other points listed? Have you been forced into situations that remind you of ones from your childhood?

And then, on the subject of being depressed: don't worry, you're not alone. I could say plenty on the psychology of abuse, if you were interested. Send me a private message and we can exchange e-mail addresses, again if you are interested. And no, I wouldn't just blab at you about stuffy mind-theories: the thing is that I'm concerned about this friendly person I met on the internet. And, in case it convinces you of anything, I might say that you do have friends here.

Lastly, if you are trying to post anonymously, you may find it advantageous to go back to your first post on this account and blank out your reference to your old account name. We've made the connection now, so it couldn't hurt to delete.

--Rexfelum
_________________
"As a weekend hobby, I'm writing my autobiography. I'm having to do lots of research." --Terry Pratchett.

[Rexfelum]

Dagnabbit! Stupid spam!

GoldenRoseEmpress, I finally, FINALLY accidentally deleted a real person's post because a stupid spambot post was right next to it. This post was yours. I apologize.

How many years did it take before I made that mistake?

--Rexfelum
_________________
"As a weekend hobby, I'm writing my autobiography. I'm having to do lots of research." --Terry Pratchett.