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Help add to the BS Wikipedia listing!!!
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Jacob Anderson



Joined: 02 May 2005
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PostPosted: Mon May 29, 2006 9:24 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I'm thinking perhaps having individual pages for each chapter. Leaving a link on the main wiki to each individual.

Anyways, I'll get some more pics up. You can count on that.
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bs



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PostPosted: Mon May 29, 2006 9:41 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Awesome...thanks man.

I was just reading the Leeroy Jenkins Wiki after Gabe posted his new art over at Penny Arcade - man...they went into some SERIOUS detail over there!

xo

b
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Jacob Anderson



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PostPosted: Tue May 30, 2006 8:27 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

That seems to bring back recolections of Gary Brolsma.

Anywho, I hope to get a basic summary of each chapter up. Got a few done so far, and I hope to get some more done while I am at work tommorrow. If anyone wants to double check my spelling or if I totally messed something up, I would feel less nervous. Anxiety and I do not mix well after my emo. breakdown. So, please, won't someone double check me!
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bs



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PostPosted: Tue May 30, 2006 9:21 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Were you the one that started adding the extra links at the bottom? That rocks, man - keep going!
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Rexfelum



Joined: 26 Sep 2003
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PostPosted: Tue May 30, 2006 5:50 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

bigjact wrote:
If anyone wants to double check my spelling or if I totally messed something up, I would feel less nervous. Anxiety and I do not mix well after my emo. breakdown. So, please, won't someone double check me!

Wait. What's that I hear?

(Gears shift in my head.)

Brooke . . . help me out here. What did I do for the DVD release? Was it . . . something about double-checking?

. . .

1st paragraph: '"cinematic novel".' should be '"cinematic novel."' with that period inside the quotes.

"Several haikus" paragraph: redundant on the "themes and events of the episode" deal, should decide on one style for italicizing things.

"Each of the chapters were written" paragraph: should be "Each of the chapters was written"

"In 2005" paragraph: Brooke Burgess provided multiple character voices. As an aside, his was the only original voice in the web version. (Right, Brooke?)

"Currently a new DVD release" paragraph: redundant on the "in the works" deal.

Shandala Nisinu bio: you later say that Coast City is fictional, so you should say the same for Lomalagi. (Wait: is Lomalagi spelled correctly?) However, the island looks just like the main island of Fiji from the air.

Oran bio: you could say "Oran Bajir (last name not used in series)"

Kamimura bio: "burnt" should be "burned" in two places, I think. And "a former student, Goku," with that extra comma. And . . . the writing kinda loses it right at the "word is bond" section. The audience does not know how those words follow, and certainly will be lost by the time you mention a "message." Consider rephrasing?

Gabriel Dunn bio: 'yacht "Revelation",' should be 'yacht "Revelation,"' Also, "Shandala agreed" should be "Shandala agrees" as everything else is in the present tense.

And subsequent references to "Lomalagi" are spelled "Lomolagi." What way is it?

Benjamin Palmer's bio: wait. Founder of the executive board? That's not the same as founding the company, is it? Because he didn't do the latter. Also, "One of the founding member" should be "One of the founding members" if he even did so.

Lear Dunham's bio: don't capitalize "satellite."

Goku's bio: use full quotation marks on "treasure." And "captors" should be "captor's"

Okay, I've read the rest here and everything after the Chapter summaries. It looks good with the exception of some general problems with the links section (just look at 'em yeself--they're rather self-explanatory). Also, Gnosis Games is at www.gnosisgames.com so you might want to add that.

I may be able to get at the Chapters . . . later . . .

--Rexfelum
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Jacob Anderson



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PostPosted: Wed May 31, 2006 8:59 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Thanks Rex. I really appreciate it.

Rexfelum wrote:
1st paragraph: '"cinematic novel".' should be '"cinematic novel."' with that period inside the quotes.


Fixed.

Quote:
"Several haikus" paragraph: redundant on the "themes and events of the episode" deal, should decide on one style for italicizing things.


Fixed.

Quote:
"Each of the chapters were written" paragraph: should be "Each of the chapters was written"


Fixed.

Quote:
"In 2005" paragraph: Brooke Burgess provided multiple character voices. As an aside, his was the only original voice in the web version. (Right, Brooke?)


Hmmm, I don't know. Perhaps we need a trivia section.

Quote:
"Currently a new DVD release" paragraph: redundant on the "in the works" deal.


Fixed.

Quote:
Shandala Nisinu bio: you later say that Coast City is fictional, so you should say the same for Lomalagi. (Wait: is Lomalagi spelled correctly?) However, the island looks just like the main island of Fiji from the air.


Not too sure about the flow of saying that Lomalagi is fictional. Coast City is a more famous fictional city.

Quote:
Oran bio: you could say "Oran Bajir (last name not used in series)"


Did it, but again your point that his name is never mentionned in the series makes me wonder whether or not to put that in. It isn't like we have a last name for Kamimura either.

Quote:
Kamimura bio: "burnt" should be "burned" in two places, I think. And "a former student, Goku," with that extra comma. And . . . the writing kinda loses it right at the "word is bond" section. The audience does not know how those words follow, and certainly will be lost by the time you mention a "message." Consider rephrasing?


Rephrased. It really needed it. Just so you know, I hadn't really touched anything above Minor Characters. Thanks for checking that stuff out.

Quote:
Gabriel Dunn bio: 'yacht "Revelation",' should be 'yacht "Revelation,"' Also, "Shandala agreed" should be "Shandala agrees" as everything else is in the present tense.


Man, I just keep forgetting all those gramar rules involving quotation marks.

Quote:
And subsequent references to "Lomalagi" are spelled "Lomolagi." What way is it?


Um, ooops. Thanks for catching that one.

Quote:
Benjamin Palmer's bio: wait. Founder of the executive board? That's not the same as founding the company, is it? Because he didn't do the latter. Also, "One of the founding member" should be "One of the founding members" if he even did so.


His bio is pretty much copy pasted from his bio on the original flash site. And I thought his father, Marshall Palmer, was one of the founders.

Quote:
Lear Dunham's bio: don't capitalize "satellite."




Quote:
Goku's bio: use full quotation marks on "treasure." And "captors" should be "captor's"


Fixed.

Quote:
Okay, I've read the rest here and everything after the Chapter summaries. It looks good with the exception of some general problems with the links section (just look at 'em yeself--they're rather self-explanatory). Also, Gnosis Games is at www.gnosisgames.com so you might want to add that.

I may be able to get at the Chapters . . . later . . .

--Rexfelum


Alright, went over those and tweaked a little. Oh, and I know the series also won the flash in the can award (sp?). Just wanted to double check before I updated that part.
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bs



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PostPosted: Wed May 31, 2006 9:14 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

You guys are seriously rockin'...

You can go here for an updated award and press list:
www.brokensaints.com/presskit/buzz.htm

If you also go to the main site and click on ABOUT, and then scroll to the bottom, you'll find two new links to a fancy DIGITAL presskit (Pdfs), with news articles and tasty press bit. Might be cool to include.

And yes, Rex...I would LOVE you chapter (and, potentially, series SYMBOL) analysis. That's what makes a Wiki truly shine. Hell...you could consider it an early bday present (especially if you're not coming to San Diego!)

xo

b
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Rexfelum



Joined: 26 Sep 2003
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PostPosted: Wed May 31, 2006 7:26 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

bs wrote:
And yes, Rex...I would LOVE you chapter (and, potentially, series SYMBOL) analysis. That's what makes a Wiki truly shine. Hell...you could consider it an early bday present (especially if you're not coming to San Diego!)

I'm starting to get "time pressure" vibes.

Brooke, I'm seeing what I can do. But staying up until 5:00 a.m. multiple nights in a row does not do good things for one's brain.

And no matter how much you say it, I'm not the person to do a symbolic analysis. I don't know what those words mean. CotC could do it, I'm sure, what with his tarot analysis. What I could do would be a storyline analysis as I did with Kamimura's story. And that would actually be a bad idea, as I'd just be telling the audience how the movie goes.

What did you have in mind, exactly?

--Rexfelum
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Rexfelum



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PostPosted: Sat Jul 15, 2006 8:25 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Done. Hey, bigjact!

For the whole thing:

Decide whether to use "BIOCOM" or "Biocom." The capitalization switches a lot.

Overview section:

There should be italicizations on each of "The Matrix, Donnie Darko and The Wizard of Oz," not just "The Wizard of Oz."

Chapter 1:

"He is going to find out why, but what will be the cost." This entry already said "what will be the cost," so perhaps drop it this second time and just end at "he wishes to find out why." And if you disagree, this is missing its question mark anyway.

"As the chapter finishes, we return to Lomalagi to find Shandala confronted by the vision." Perhaps "a vision," as the audience doesn't know what you mean by "the."

Chapter 2:

"Raimi Matthews begins to dig into his companies mainframe." You mean "company's."

Also, do you want to cite your "sandbox" quote's source?

"But when his computer freezes, and a ominous message appears." First, "an ominous." Second, you don't need a comma. Lastly . . .

"It begins to dawn on him that this may go deeper than he first thought." I reeeally think "dawning" doesn't quite get the point across. You could make it sound more dramatic, or just reword things so the entry ends on the message's appearance.

Chapter 3:

Fine job.

Chapter 4:

I would twiddle some ambiguities, but I see no real flaws here. First . . .

"He decides to examine the depths of Goku's mind." I dunno. Maybe just "he examines," since we really don't know when he decided this. Second . . .

"An unknown person who gives him a warning of things to come." Maybe replace "warning" with "message," as Lear described it as the latter (and it sure felt to me like it was more informative than sympathetic).

Chapter 5:

"Her coma like state." Hyphenate "coma-like" or just turn it into "comatose."

"He talks about her past, and her mother." You don't need a comma.

"The captain of the boat carried a picture of Shandala." Use "carries," unless you really want to describe to the audience the complete temporal organization of the scene.

"A boat carrying white men is just off shore . . . a picture of Shandala from before she washed ashore." The writer in me asks for less repetition of "shore." Perhaps try "A boat carrying white men is just off the beach," as that's closer to what Tui Jr. says. Or he might reference "bay." Or something.

"Takes the wrap off her hair." Again, "a wrap" unless "the" wrap is already known to the audience.

Chapter 6:

"Sea faring" should be "seafaring."

Start with "in Act 1."

"Oran is travelling." "Oran travels" would be parallel structure.

"He begins to lose his mind, when" should be "He is beginning to lose his mind when."

"And buy" should be "and buying."

"Morely cigarettes" should be "Morley cigarettes." Also, search on Wikipedia for "Morley (cigarette)" and you'll see something familiar.

"cigarettes he heads down an alley to get it lit" should be "cigarettes, he heads down an alley to get one lit."

Either capitalize all "vagrants" or don't capitalize any of them. As it is now, the capitalization switches a lot.

"Vagrant who talks in riddles, and foreshadows" should be "vagrant, who talks in riddles and foreshadows."

"Act 3" should be "in act 3."

"Makes some smalltalk, while." Remove the comma.

"While giving the ultimate message of the series." Do you really want to be that blunt? It could just say "and gives an important 'truth.'" And anyway, the audience will figure out how critical it is just from hearing the conversation, so you don't need to deliver the "punchline" for them.

"They go their separate ways. Kamimura headed towards America" could be "they go their separate ways, with Kamimura headed towards America."

"Are talking" should be "talk."

Chapter 7:

"Raimi has a dream, which expands and explains the Vagrants prophecy" should say "Vagrant's." And I personally would delete both the comma and "and explains."

I also might recommend that, if you aren't feeling like filling out more entries anytime soon, you trim out this entry completely until you are. This single line past all those first six (illustrated!) entries feels very incomplete.

Chapter 8:

"Tribes" should be "tribe's."

Chapter 18:

"Disable" should be "disabled."

Chapter 20:

"Systems" should be "system's."

. . . Whew, how about that?

And I would like to add that I really like how Kamimura's bio ends now. That's wonderful.

--Rexfelum
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Jacob Anderson



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PostPosted: Sat Jul 15, 2006 2:29 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Thank you Rex. I went in and made some changes. I am going to leave the little snipit placeholders for the other chapters for now. I hope to get some time this upcoming week to come into the library and make some updates.

Man, that was a lot of typos. I try to spell check, but my grammar has fallen by the wayside since highschool.
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Rexfelum



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PostPosted: Sat Jul 15, 2006 5:09 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Oh, hey, it's occurred to me that I didn't compliment you enough.

That work you did is really good. I'm glad you found the time to do it. And if I weren't currently completely sweltering to death in the New Hampshire heat (who lets dew points get over 70 F?? Answer me that!), I would be even more enthusiastic in my complimenting.

--Rexfelum
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bs



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PostPosted: Sun Jul 16, 2006 10:34 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Ditto B - honored to link it off the new mainpage!!!


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Jacob Anderson



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PostPosted: Mon Jul 17, 2006 2:15 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

See what you made me do.

I have more free time than I can handle, and without computer and internet at home I am pretty limited in what I can do. But, I really am glad to be of help.
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PostPosted: Mon Sep 11, 2006 9:12 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Feel free to keep this current, folks...with the UK and Aussie launches under our belts, it might be nice to offer a refresher with some of the better reviews, stories, etc from around the world!
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jo bragg



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PostPosted: Wed Jun 06, 2007 5:29 pm    Post subject: broken saints Reply with quote

hello my name is sumten norbu and i just wanted to say that this is the closest i have seen to genuine dharma in the main stream media .

it has elements that teach and inspire us to become better .
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Elemiah



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PostPosted: Sun Sep 30, 2007 9:06 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

In the way of symbol analysis (religious symbolism, common themes, chapter specific themes, that kind of thing), I'd be more than happy to do so. I'll even put it through spellcheck (since my grammar can sometimes be atrocious).
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The Eggplant



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PostPosted: Sun Sep 30, 2007 1:03 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I think it would be nice if we started our own BS Wiki for every little detail and nuance of the series. Maybe get it hosted on the site? It might stir up some activity in the forums... Bueller? Bueller?
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Uberwulf X



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PostPosted: Sun Jun 14, 2009 3:46 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

resurrection.

i added stuff, like the final chapter summary. i'll let wikipedia put up the THIS IS A SPOILER SECTION warning, though i tried.

i changed stuff, like the last person's use of multiple tense in some articles [present + past... ing + ed].

feel free to change whatever i messed up.
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Rexfelum



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PostPosted: Mon Jun 15, 2009 7:42 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Good to see someone getting at cleaning it up. I'd say it still feels a bit clunky. But then, I should have actually gotten out of complacency and worked on that thing sometime in the past years, myself.

--Rexfelum
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PostPosted: Mon Oct 19, 2009 8:29 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Yes Rexxie...that would've been nice, with your eye for detail and all =)
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